Take David from Dover Limited. He’s a straight-cut, ambitious and direct manager who pushes the team to overcome challenges and perform incredibly well. David does this through his focus on success as a motivator, but also through direct, confronting and concise language and mannerisms. If you’re anything like David, this isn't an issue for you and you’ll get along famously as you can recognise his objectives in managing a team.
However, if you have a different communication style to David, you may perceive David’s tone as rude, harsh, cold or impolite!
Having an easier and happier worklife can often be about developing the tools to understand other people and their communication styles. If we can recognise other people’s styles - how to interpret them and communicate back constructively, then we can make everyone’s experience of working together more positive. This is not limited to the professional setting of work. People in all walks of life, for example friends, neighbours, partners, and family, all have their own way of communicating. Learning to navigate these styles will increase your quality of life and relationships.
If a “David” for instance has pushed a nerve, rather than acting defensively, it is important to stay neutral, step back and think about “why has this created an issue?”. The best way to do this, is to understand David’s, and your own Inner Ape personality styles.
Well, rather than relying on traditional psychometric assessments, the Inner Ape approach emphasises intuitive observation. By recognising behavioural cues, individuals can identify their own and others' communication preferences effortlessly. This way you can act fast, responding appropriately to the person in front of you. (I.e. you don’t have to get David to fill in a psychometric questionnaire in order to understand his communication preferences.)
Recognising different Inner Ape communication preferences can shed light on interpersonal dynamics. As demonstrated by David's interaction, David is most likely acting as a “Challenger ape” type as he has said something directly, with little regard for niceties. To you, that doesn't sit right. To him, he is just trying to be clear and concise. If you found David’s quick comments rude, then most likely you have a preference for “Expert”, “Socialite” or “Friend” style communication. (Or a hybrid subcategory of Inner Ape styles, but we'll get to that in our e-learning course). This means you have a different communication style to David and have found his approach more abrasive than when you communicate with people demonstrating other Inner Ape communication styles.
This is okay and is normal!
So, in a moment where an approach seems “abrasive” to you, what do you do?
Ideally, you remember to tap into your “Inner Ape” and approach it with curiosity and understanding.
2 Instant Tips for communicating with a Challenger (like David)
2 Instant Tips for communicating with a Friend
2 Instant Tips for communicating with a Socialite
2 Instant Tips for communicating with an Expert
Of course the best advice we can give you is to sign up for the Inner Ape E-learning, so that you can learn more about yourself, including how others may perceive you, as well as how to recognise and adapt to other people’s communication styles.
… But for now here's an overarching tip for absolutely anyone!
Practice empathy. Put yourself in the other person's shoes and try to understand their perspective. Understanding that miscommunications are usually a personality clash and not something personal will allow you to communicate more effectively with people, both in your professional and personal life.
Monthly insights to understand people better and make your world a little easier.
The Inner Ape E-learning, powered by Da Vinci's Workshop.
